I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
