On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
