I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
