who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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