So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
