Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
