Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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