i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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