I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My dick has a subreddit
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
