Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
