"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
