Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize