If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
