Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
