i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
