You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
