don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
