My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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