I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
