Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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