Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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