I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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