Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
