By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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