I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
