I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
