Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
