she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
