All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
