So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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