just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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