Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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