Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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