Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
