My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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