he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
