good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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