Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
