don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
