I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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