this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
3 2 1 whiskey
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
