jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Do you have feelings for this penis?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
