My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
