If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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