What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think people are normalizing furries
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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