well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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