What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Randomize
