you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
