her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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