My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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