I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
