gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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