No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
