I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
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