We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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