I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
