if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
