So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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