Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
