if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
