Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
