I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize