College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
