We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
