Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
