LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
