I think my vagina is haunted
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
