I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She said her name was "party"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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