Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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