I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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