she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
