so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
